he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
