Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
