I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
4 words: hood of his car
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
