sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
