did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
