you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
