I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
