He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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