her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
