You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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