is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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