Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
