After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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