it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
