I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
