Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
