ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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