I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Farmville is her only friend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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