They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
