After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
