Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We need a shit load of segways right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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