His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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