The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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