so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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