if you like me you must not know who I am
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize