think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
3pm strippers are depressing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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