i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
