If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
