Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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