Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
