Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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