jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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