I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
