1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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