now i know why i became what i already was.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
