I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Mom said you looked used
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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