Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
