Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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