I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
