The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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