Whod you bang
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
