Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
