Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize