this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
