final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come share oat with me in your robe
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
