Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
