Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
