A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
too bad you live with your parents still
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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