i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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