Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
