Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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