I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
