so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
