My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
