saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
