I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
