she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
