I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
