I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
