Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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