Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
