So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize