and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
