fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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