I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
