If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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