what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
