stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
