Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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