already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
