dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
